Why does everything seem so unfair? Maybe because what we want is not what happens and having that feeling of "want" makes us think that what we really want is the right thing, comparing it to what is really happening that seems so unfair for us. Yes, everything is unfair but we only have one choice, just accepting what is happening. So what else is unfair? "People always leave"-OTH. Why do people need to leave? Can't they just stay forever with you? TO tell you the truth, I really haven't experience saying goodbye for real with anyone. Yes, I have relatives who died already. But they died before I was born, so I was not that affected. But this time, damn. I don't know how. I really hate changes and this would be a one big change again. I am already so used being with a few people. It's like, they are very important to me. They complete me. They make me. I am what they want me to be and what they are. So tell me, how can I handle that? Big change again. I know I got to move on and just accept it. Unfair again. I know what to do but I don't know how. I know that dwelling on them would not make me move in nor be in a good in condition. Oh well : Yes. Accept and just accept. There's still something. Why do I always have to feel what I don't want to feel? I do recognize what is it, but I just can't accept it. No way. I cannnot admit it to myself nor admit it someone. And I cannot really admit it to that someone. The bad thing is, yes, I got used to what's happening again knowing that it's not really permanent. I cannot tell her that what she's saying already is O-U-C-H. I cannot blame her for that, for she doesn't even know. What's bad is I really don't want the feeling because I know what's really going to happen and what's not really going to happen. She can't, and I can't too. But I can't help it. I feel it and it sucks. It hurt me, and it sucks again. If only I can really forget that easily and just not think about it. But hell, no. It's already a part of my everyday and the more that I do think about it, the more I feel that I realy really suck and there's no hope for it. It's really something that makes life difficult for me today and maybe tomorrow and the next coming days. So yeah, what I need to do is just to accept and move on again. Fine. But, I don't know. What's bad is, yes, I am affected, greatly affected. Okay, enough. I don't believe that it's really true and I am not admitting it yet. So why bother think about it? Oh well, I don't know. I don't really know.
